Lately I have had zero motivation. My lowest weight was 160 and I am at a shameful 225.
That is the key emotion, shame.
Shame was something I felt while I was big, something very familiar. I haven't worked out in months and have no reason or explanation. The worst is that there is this snowball collection of guilt and shame that has built up into a depression.
I feel like a failure about something I was once so proud of which is worse than something I have never been proud of. Knowing that I was once successful and a role model even and have sank into old binging habits and become a poster for "what NOT to become".
Nike has a simple empowerment slogan to "just do it" yet that is simply my functional deficit. I have no excuse. Everything about losing weight makes me happy. Why can't I get up and out and do something? Why haven't I?!?
I have made many steps towards joining a gym, towards exercising but haven't done the act yet. It's almost been an obsession. I must change. I have to.